I suppose I write about this stuff for a number of reasons. One is because I feel lonely some days... and throwing my feelings out in the world somehow makes me feel less lonely. I'm not sure why it does that, but some days it just does. I can only go with what seems healthy. :)
I do feel like I've turned a corner on the depression in which I was sinking. I may not be swimming yet, but I'm at least floating. Turning that corner, however, does not mean I don't still struggle with bad days... though I suppose it is more like struggling with bad moments. Awareness is key. I feel myself start to delve into one of those miserable places... the places with anger... and I have to shift my thinking. I mentally have to walk away. It's not always easy. I'm not sure what it is about us human beings that makes us want to wallow.
I am looking back at the whole anger phase. And wow. I really did not like that person. I didn't like it when I was in it. It was painful. I guess I'm not in a thrilling place right now. I still can't stand my job though I'm grateful for it. But I'm looking... and hopefully I'll find something sooner than later that suits me more than what I'm doing now. And I know soon I'll be starting up teaching my own class at a new gym... not just being a substitute teacher. And that's exciting.
All I know is I have to keep moving forward. Keep challenging myself. Keep my friends around them and treat them well (something I wasn't doing well during my anger phase... thankfully they didn't abandon me). And eventually there will be good days with bad moments instead of bad days with good moments. :) I have to keep hoping anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment