Shirtless, mustached celebrities with their dogs? Ooh Ooh! :)

Apparently this is supposed to impress me. 

Let me say, first and foremost, I am not one who finds Channing Tatum attractive. I kind of want to see 21 Jumpstreet because I have heard he is funny. But in general he just doesn't do anything at all for me in the "sexy" department. And really? A wifebeater? He gets to be the sexiest man alive and they give him a wifebeater? I kind of like that his shoulders are freckled. Still not sexy, but kind of different. Now, Channing lovers, don't hate me. I don't think anything badly of the man. It's just not my thing.

But to the point... I have posted this, not because of Channing and his come-hither look... no, I posted it because of the "Plus" text on this cover. If you can't read it let me spell it out for you:

"PLUS Affleck, Beckham, Gosling, and more! We've got 'em shirtless, mustached - and with their dogs!"

What... the... f*ck? Is this a bizarre bit of marketing to anyone but me? Is it possible a woman signed off on this or was in the creative process?

Personally I'm picturing a room full of douchey middle-aged dudes sitting around a conference room brainstorming... they've decided on old Tatum after probably hearing about all the girls nights out that happened over Magic Mike. Here's how I imagine the conversation:

"How can we get all these women to buy our magazine? What can we say to get them if they don't like the Magic Mike in his Magic Wifebeater?
 "Ooh... "shirtless?"
"Yes!"
"Wait... mustaches! Chicks love Magnum P.I!"
"Yes... mustaches! Perfect!"
"Wait... what about the sensitive hippie Peta loving old spinsters out there who don't like mustaches or bare chests?"
"I got it! DOGS!!!!"
"YESSSS!"

There we have it ladies... they've got out numbers.. dangle shirtless, mustached, dog-lovers in front of us and we're unable to control our magazine purchases? Just like I can't control being able to purchase a "Lady Bic" pen because it's pink.

I know it's hard... women are peculiar and complicated... and being our friends, significant others, and family can be difficult at times... I imagine marketing to us must seem like a ridiculously difficult task. But come on... "We've got 'em shirtless, mustached, and with their dogs?" It just sounds like really, really bad suburban porn.