I am the Anti-Wallflower. :)

I don't allow myself many regrets in life. There is no point. But there are a few things I wish I could have done differently. I do wish I'd had enough confidence at a younger age to just do things I wanted to do even if they scared me. The more you do things that scare you the less scary the next thing becomes... because you realize the anticipation is what's often the scariest.

When I was young... I don't know, maybe 9 or 10 years old... my brother was taking a drama class that was held at a local dance studio. One day my mom says to me in the most offhand, casual way "Would you want to take a dance class while we're there?" I swear to you my heart skipped a beat. There was truly nothing I wanted more. I'd always wanted to take dance classes. But in the same moment that my heart leapt it sank. And I pulled together the most non-chalant voice I could and said "Nah, that's okay." Those of you who have read early bits of this blog know that I was a fat kid. And I knew that if I took a dance class I'd have to wear a leotard in front of people. So I said no. And it broke my heart a little bit.

I lived my youth as a wallflower. But that's not really who I am inside. But it took me a long time to realize that I wasn't a wallflower. And I didn't have to stay in the background all the time.

And here I am 30 years later... and on a regular basis I put on skin tight yoga clothes (not a leotard... but not too far from it), climb on stage in front of a room full of people, put on a microphone, tell everyone to basically listen to me and watch me, and teach group fitness. I choose to be the anti-wallflower. And I don't even get nervous. That tells me it is where I am supposed to be. It is who I was meant to be. I wish I could go back and tell myself at the young age to just get over the fear or worry... if you want it, swallow the fear and do it. Simple as that. And instead of wondering where I'd be now if I had not been afraid back then... I spent my time wondering what lies ahead now that I have started ignoring fear and finding ways to do the things I want.