It's grumptastic!

It is very frustrating to be in a bad mood a lot. I truly am not that grumpy in my normal life. Okay... I am totally grumpy when I first wake up... always. And I am grumpy when I am hungry. But those are normal and acceptable times of grumpiness. I mean... give me a few minutes in the morning, and I'll be fine. Or feed me, and I'll be fine. But right now I get these insane waves of grumpiness, sadness, and irritability. And watch out if I happen to be hormonal. Oh, it is not a pretty sight.

What I sound like a lot right now. :)

But there is an upside to the hormonal grumpiness. If I can recognize it for what it is then I know it'll pass in a relatively short period of time. I just have to wait for a trigger to snap me out of it. I had the hormonal grumpy meet the undercurrent of stress grumpy yesterday. It was grumptastic, my friends!

The frustrating grumpiness is the one that follows me around a lot lately. It's what causes me to spew obscenities at motorists when I used to not react to stupid drivers in such a way. It's the voice that tells me to go crawl in bed for 2 hours after work instead of going to the gym. It's the one that agitates my friends (sorry to friends irritated by grumpy me!).

It really isn't my nature to be grumpy, you see. Life is unpredictable, though. And sometimes grumpiness gives you the force you need to push through the day. But I find it's important for me to recognize the grumpiness as a tool I am using and not a new normal. I plan on dropping the grumpy off at the door once it has served its purpose.

My mom always used to say that if she had the worst headache in the world at work no one would know because she wouldn't complain. She didn't want to "bring down the room" with her problems. One one hand I respect that. On the other hand it pisses me off completely. I may not need to weigh down a room with all my problems, but at the same time I don't think I need to sugarcoat everything to make others feel good. And the real reason it pisses me off is because I know she was sick much longer than we knew... but she took so damn long to complain about anything that it was too late. Maybe if she had said something early on, and not worried about bringing down the room, maybe she would still be here. So, with all respect to my mom, I can't follow her example in this instance. Things hurt... you should be able to say they hurt. It doesn't mean it's all I have to say, but once in a while it alleviates a little pain and maybe helps you find a way to fix the pain if you speak up.