My current life as a phoenix

Do you know the mythology of the phoenix? "It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again." I have a friend who views his life in this way... that on a number of occasions it seems as if one life destroys itself and a new life begins. I think about this often because for me right now I am going through this cycle for the first time.

My life as I have known it has been pretty much burning itself down. This burning life is the life where I have a deluded sense that I know what's around the corner. In truth none of us really know what's coming. We think we do. We have a plan. But you don't know from day to day what may happen to set you off that course. But there is a comfort in having that plan. So I have in front of me what feels like a fresh start filled with possibilities. It also feels scary and empty like a dark void looming. It feels like both things at the same time. I am doing my best to focus on the good.

I ask myself who do I want to be? What do I want to do? The reality is that any given moment in our lives holds the potential for reinvention. We can all become what we want to be... but we have to want it enough to disrupt the pattern of our lives and actually work for it. But when your life is burning to the ground, and you have no choice but to reinvent, then comes a real thought process... do I go back to the way I was... or do I find something else? Deep shit, right? :) 

I am talking about who do I want to be physically, mentally, and emotionally... not just one. And it's a complicated question. You get to a certain age and you start thinking about the end of your life. What will you regret? And the old saying is true... you don't regret the things you do, you regret the things you don't. A life filled with "what ifs" seems pretty depressing. 

I do look forward to life becoming a little less stressful. I look forward to finding a spot where I can actually make a plan. But I do hope I don't lose the idea that I can reinvent myself along the way if I want...even without the whole burning of the whole life. It seems a good way to live. :)