My brain will not shut down sometimes. I wonder if it's from hormones. Then I decide no... it's my real life keeping your brain busy as shit. Sometimes it really is hormones... but not tonight.
In 2 weeks I'll have officially moved out of my house. I'll have a roommate. I'll have a room to hide out in when I need it, but I won't be able to "go home" when I want to be alone. I'll no longer be living in a section of town I've known like the back of my hand since about 1998.
I'm nervous, scared, excited, sad, depressed, anxious... not just about the move, but about my life. I feel all of the emotions sometimes at the same time... sometimes bouncing from one to the next. Often I feel like a failure as I walk away from one life and try to build another. Sometimes I see it as a great opportunity for adventure.
I wonder what my mom would think of my choices. Some days I'm almost glad she's not here to ask because I don't know if she'd approve. Even if she didn't she'd support my choice... but it always felt better to get a "that's a good idea" pat on the back from her.
So this holiday season I will do like I always do... I will enjoy the lights, the music, my tree... I will enjoy getting gifts for my friends and family. And I will do my best to look forward to 2013 and the potential it holds.
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