I started teaching group fitness after my Mom died. I hadn't ever mentioned to her that I was considering it. I had considered it before she died, but as soon as I read the requirements I had tucked it away as an "I can't do that." After she died the thought of doing it entered my mind again. This time I read the requirements and said "I can... even if it scares me." I wonder if I would have chosen to face the fear if Mom hadn't passed away. I'll never know. But it puts things in perspective. After the loss of her not much seems that scary.
It does make me tremendously sad that she didn't get to see me teach. I've seen fellow instructors bring their mothers to class. And it makes me so sad that I can't do the same.
Tonight I was on stage. I was wearing a new blue shirt I'd bought to teach in. It was toward the end of the hour. I was on the floor bent over my leg with my head down and I had this sudden flash of my mother smiling... standing just over by the door... watching me. I didn't look up. I just smiled at how very real it felt. I am sure she'd be proud.
Once in a while I have that distinct feeling she's nearby. It's in the car a lot. If a good song comes on and I'm singing... I'll feel like she's in the seat next to me singing too. I won't look. I'll just enjoy the idea of it.
Now I don't claim to profess the truth of these "visits." The human mind if powerful. But I am grateful for the feelings of serenity and contentment they bring.
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