I want to be skinny. There... I've said it. I know, I know... it's terribly vain of me. But I've wanted to be skinny my entire life. And maybe I need to just own up to the fact. Now, before anyone thinks poorly of this declaration, I know I do not want to be unhealthy. I do not think it is necessary to be skinny to be worthy or beautiful. But for me personally the only times in my life that I don't spend tons of mental energy worrying about my weight and feeling huge is when I've been really thin. For me being skinny, I should say thin and lean, actually lessens my mental load. I can just let it go. And yet, I sabotage myself and don't let myself stay really thin. We all have baggage that we carry. And each person's baggage is different. I wonder, though, for me and my baggage, what will be the healthiest thing I can do. Is it healthier for me to finally just say F*ck it... and not sabotage myself... and truly go for a super healthy lifestyle and work my way down to skinny. And yes... skinny would just happen if I actually eat a consistently healthy diet and keep exercising. It's not magic. It's science. Well, skinny except for my booty... it'll always be bootylicious. :)
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| Costume I could wear now |
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| Costume I wish I could wear |
Maybe it's time to quit being so damn introspective with the "why do I sabotage myself?" Maybe it's time to just tell that saboteur to shut the fudge up and leave me to my goals.
Losing weight, being healthy, making changes, etc... it isn't difficult. It's the decision to change that's difficult. If you make the decision and commit to it the rest isn't so bad. So I do believe it's time to commit. You know what girl has 2 thumbs and is worth it... that's right. This girl! LOL.
Don't wish me luck... I don't believe in it. But wish me well. Wish me good fortune. And I wish the same for anyone who truly wants something.
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