I've seen a lot of things online during the past few days about people talking to their kids about the killings in Connecticut. Now before I give my story please know I am not discounting how scary this thing must be for kids and parents alike. And I'm not talking about kids who were at the school where it happened. That's an entirely different issue. Also, I'm not a parent... but I'm a kid who had a parent who explained scary things to me. So for kids in the world at large who read about it on the internet or hear about it on TV this is how I can relate to it: I'd forgotten about this for a long time... until today.
When I was in 4th grade I was just a little 10 year old at St. Mary's School in Goldsboro. Life was pretty normal. The real world was the playground... and scary things weren't that scary in retrospect. There was a kindly old lady who worked in the office of the school. Her name was Goldie I think. I believe she was in her 60s. I still remember what she looked like. She was overweight with salt and pepper hair. She wore big glasses which were normal at the time. I remember this... but not from knowing her in person. I remember her black and white photo in the "memorial page" in our yearbook that year. You see that year Goldie had someone break into her home. He tied her up. He raped her. He killed her. This is how I learned about rape. This is how I learned about real violence. I can remember asking my mom about it... I asked her lots of questions. I had a rudimentary understanding of sex at best. And I was trying to understand why a man in his 20s would want to have sex with a woman in her 60s. I can remember my mom explaining how rape was not about sex or desire... it was about power. Yes... my mother explained these things to me plainly and compassionately when I was 10 years old. I won't ever know if she wrestled with how to explain these things to me, but I kind of doubt it. She would have talked to me like a person and tried to help me understand. I am sure she hated for me to learn about violence in the world. But it exists. And learning about it in the safety of my home was okay when I look back on it.
I remember that I was scared. It was somewhere around that time I learned that the KKK hated Catholics. Mom told me this information also. I remember us seeing some place in town where the KKK was known to meet... and Mom mentioned the Catholic hatred thing. I suspect she didn't realize this was gonna scare me... but it did. Yet another real world thing to fear. I was Catholic, and suddenly I was scared I'd wake up one night and there would be a burning cross in my yard.
I'm not saying that the violence of the world is okay. I certainly don't think it's okay what happened in Connecticut. But I also know that kids are resilient... again I speak of children distantly removed from the actual shootings. I suspect it'll be a rough road for those involved. So I hope parents just explain everything as simply and honestly as they can... even if the explanation is "I don't know why." Kids will meet the real world eventually... I think parents can just hold their hand for a while as they learn about it.
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