A friend of mine was at Krispy Kreme with me last night. He had gone to the bathroom and while waiting I was standing at the window watching the doughnuts being fried. I turned around as my friend was walking towards me and he had this bemused look on his face and started chuckling. As we headed out the door he said something to the effect of "You know sometimes I can still see glimpses of the little fat kid in you."
Yes... I was a fat kid. No, not baby fat. FAT. And I was fat at a time that 70% of kids weren't fat. I didn't wear tight clothes or call myself curvy. I thought I was ugly and invisible... and I tried to hide. And when you feel that as a child it becomes part of you. You suffer from "Fat Kid Syndrome" as I call it. And you can manage it like a chronic illness, but honestly it doesn't go away and it rears its ugly head from time to time.
Logic and emotions rarely agree. I know logically I am not ugly or invisible. But when someone notices me or finds me sexy or attractive, somewhere inside me there is the reaction "Why?" I "know" why... but there is a small part of me that doesn't know how to "feel" why.
So it's a work in progress... just like the rest of life.
No comments:
Post a Comment