I have a lot of ideas of what I'd like to do in life. Projects and such... lots of creative things. There are a number of them that will be physically challenging... which in their own way are actually huge mental challenges as well.
As is my usual mode of operating my thinking always falls back onto how thin, or chubby as the case may be, I am. And it always gets into my head and makes me feel bad about myself when I don't feel I've lived up to what is my ideal. It occurred to me tonight that I've been making my rookie mistake for months now. When I think about wanting to lose weight my entire mindset is on how I look. Now that is understandable in some ways. I teach group fitness now, and I am bothered that I am not as thin as I was when I began teaching. A room full of people staring at you as you wear spandex and tell them how to do things makes you want to feel like you look the part. But when I embarked on my quest to get in shape a few years ago I didn't go in with the "vanity" in the front of my mind. I looked honestly at myself and figured if I didn't get control of this now I where would I be in 20 years? And I now know 20 years will happen in the blink of an eye. I began with the idea of being healthy. And I truly credited that mindset for my success. How could I have forgotten? Focus on health... and the looks will follow.
The funny part is that my face looks younger when I'm chubby! I mean... WTF? I understand it, fat fills in the wrinkles, but it just seems ridiculous. The healthier I was the more age my face was showing.
The simple truth is I miss feeling good. I need to get back into the mindset of eating so I can work out... not working out so I can eat. When I eat well I actually have the energy to work out. It's not such a challenge to get to the gym.
So we'll see. I am the only one who ever gets in my way.
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