I have a lot of ideas of what I'd like to do in life. Projects and such... lots of creative things. There are a number of them that will be physically challenging... which in their own way are actually huge mental challenges as well.
As is my usual mode of operating my thinking always falls back onto how thin, or chubby as the case may be, I am. And it always gets into my head and makes me feel bad about myself when I don't feel I've lived up to what is my ideal. It occurred to me tonight that I've been making my rookie mistake for months now. When I think about wanting to lose weight my entire mindset is on how I look. Now that is understandable in some ways. I teach group fitness now, and I am bothered that I am not as thin as I was when I began teaching. A room full of people staring at you as you wear spandex and tell them how to do things makes you want to feel like you look the part. But when I embarked on my quest to get in shape a few years ago I didn't go in with the "vanity" in the front of my mind. I looked honestly at myself and figured if I didn't get control of this now I where would I be in 20 years? And I now know 20 years will happen in the blink of an eye. I began with the idea of being healthy. And I truly credited that mindset for my success. How could I have forgotten? Focus on health... and the looks will follow.
The funny part is that my face looks younger when I'm chubby! I mean... WTF? I understand it, fat fills in the wrinkles, but it just seems ridiculous. The healthier I was the more age my face was showing.
The simple truth is I miss feeling good. I need to get back into the mindset of eating so I can work out... not working out so I can eat. When I eat well I actually have the energy to work out. It's not such a challenge to get to the gym.
So we'll see. I am the only one who ever gets in my way.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Introverted moments
I had this incredibly overwhelming introverted moment today! Let me set the stage. I get off work at 5pm. I had to be at the gym to teach by 7:05pm. I live 30 minutes away from work, and 20-25 minutes from the gym. I had packed my gym bag. I could find something to do in town. I could get something to eat and kill some time. But at 5:00pm today I had an almost uncontrollable need to be somewhere quiet and by myself. I crossed my fingers that there wouldn't be any wrecks to ruin traffic for me, and I headed towards home.
I don't mind people. I enjoy being at the gym. I enjoy interacting with folks. I even enjoy interacting with some people who come into my workplace. But introverts need quiet time too. So I drove all the way home knowing it would give me 40-50 minutes of time in my apartment. I ate some cereal, changed my clothes, and laid on my bed in a darkened room... and re-energized myself. This was interrupted slightly by the really loud landscapers mowing outside. But it was enough. By the time I got to the gym I was no longer on edge.
Sometimes the key to finding enough energy to live is finding stillness.
I don't mind people. I enjoy being at the gym. I enjoy interacting with folks. I even enjoy interacting with some people who come into my workplace. But introverts need quiet time too. So I drove all the way home knowing it would give me 40-50 minutes of time in my apartment. I ate some cereal, changed my clothes, and laid on my bed in a darkened room... and re-energized myself. This was interrupted slightly by the really loud landscapers mowing outside. But it was enough. By the time I got to the gym I was no longer on edge.
Sometimes the key to finding enough energy to live is finding stillness.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Down time
Sometimes we all need down time. And as life gets busier it is important to actually schedule down time for ourselves. Today I took the night off. Every other day this week I had commitments. Now they were fun commitments involving the gym... I love what I do so it is not a complaint. But at the same time I need a day a week when I can just go home after work. Tonight I came home, went to supper with my roommate, watched some Red Dwarf in my PJs, and just had a nice night without having to be anywhere.
My mom knew the importance of this... she raised 8 children. But she had one hour of every day that was hers and hers alone. She took a bath at 7pm every single night of my life... even after I left home and there were no more kids to raise she still had that hour in a room with the door closed. She had a little TV in there, and she'd watch TV for an hour while she took a bath. It was her hour. And I learned later in life that it really helped keep her centered and sane.
At least at the moment I'm not taking that day off to "crawl back in my hole" as I called it when I was teetering on that edge of depression. Now I just know I need to be able to not be around tons of people for an evening... I need the recharge of my batteries.
My mom knew the importance of this... she raised 8 children. But she had one hour of every day that was hers and hers alone. She took a bath at 7pm every single night of my life... even after I left home and there were no more kids to raise she still had that hour in a room with the door closed. She had a little TV in there, and she'd watch TV for an hour while she took a bath. It was her hour. And I learned later in life that it really helped keep her centered and sane.
At least at the moment I'm not taking that day off to "crawl back in my hole" as I called it when I was teetering on that edge of depression. Now I just know I need to be able to not be around tons of people for an evening... I need the recharge of my batteries.
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